Should a spouse remain in an abusive relationship for the children’s sake?

If your house is set ablaze the right thing is to get out fast, flee from. The fire is destructive the fumes are also damaging, so best to fleeee….

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Your best friend is swinging knives to all around, you keep safe out of harm’s way. You can’t explain what’s going on but next best step is to be safe and make sure others are safe as well, especially helpless young ones. You love your home you lovee your friend but the right thing is to keep safe, for then you can help others too.

Much as you may love your house, please don’t stay in it if it’s on fire! You may move back in once it’s sorted and the risk of your safety and other residents is assured.

Should a spouse stay in an abusive relationship? If the frying pan has accidentally caught fire and you both agree it needs putting out, then work together and stay safe and happy. Should one person be obsessed with fire setting, flinging knives or smashing glass, physically or emotionally ….please focus on staying safe and get help to keep all safe as best you can! Only the living enjoy healthy relationships.

Related: https://amzn.to/2n5LDw4

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Good Mood Food

Children fed unbalanced diet end up with consequences of whatever’s been deficient. Kwashiorkor, stunted growth, visual impairment, behavioual disorders, learning difficultues, lethargy and skin problems are a fraction of concerns noted to stem from an unhealthy diet.

Emotional diet presents much the same. Children fed healthy words of life grow differently emotionally, from those fed harsh, aggressive or abusive words. Some children are fed a mix of good and bad emotional meals.

Vitamins and trace elements are an important part of a balanced diet. Overprocessed food or healthy options excessively coated with sugar and sweeteners can be very damaging too. Vitamins like discipline may not be tasty but much needed. Well presented it is accepted like telling off with a tone of love or anger in desperation to protect in contrast to frustration from other cares.

We are what we eat, physically, mentally and emotionally.

A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stirs up anger.

A child’s emotional growth could be stunted due to emotional malnutrition or toxins infused in earlier years. The symptoms of anger, insensitivity, aggression, to name a few, may be a consequence of poor emotional diet.

What kind of emotional diet am I feeding my children? Soft words or harsh words? Aggression or kindness? Vitamins of bitter truth or sugary deception for temporary calm? What kind of emotional growth is desired…keeping the longer term in mind? What children are fed plays a significant part in what they become physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Related: https://amzn.to/2v1Nm9U

The Inside Voice

Sunday school songs from childhood years, may often bring smiles to aging faces. The reassuring words warm the hearts from life’s cold winds.

“I love Jesus, I love Jesus. He is my friend, he is my friend. He will never leave me, He will never leave me. He is my friend. He is my friend.”

Life may bring harsh winds and the inside voice says “fear not” with an assurance of a loving God being Father, holding one’s hands as He never leaves. So, through tears, a heart assured of love will smile, confident that walking through the valley of the shadow of death there is no need to fear any evil “for thou art with me”. The seeds of the inside voice sown from early years and now firmly rooted.

The seeds sown in the hearts of children in early years determine the voice within as the years go on. Words of kindness, joy filled moments builds reserves to draw strength from when harsh winds blow. Every opportunity to show a child love and say in words or deeds “I care” may save another young life from a path of doom. Children hurting from feelings that no one cares, may be comforted by a simple act of kindness!

#changetheinsidevoice

The Monkey Within

The most common words children may often hear are “no” and “don’t”, with parents and carers attempts to prevent them from harm. Their faces may light up as the words suggest there’s something exciting that the boring adults are trying to stop. Full names being called may be endearing and ticklish to the monkey whilst a parent is fumingly trying to get a child’s attention. The desire for the deterred activity may be stirred, and the monkey within, being impulsive and longing for fun, soon leads the young minds in springing back to the very act they’ve been told off for. Parenting involves recognising the monkey needs managing, to help the child stay on a healthy track on life’s paths and it is worth noting that the child is not the monkey!

Adults who have not been helped in their early years to manage the chimps in them, are prone to abusive ways in parenting and in relationships, stemming from not being empowered with emotional management skills in their childhood or in later life. Teaching a child healthy habits in any way, is best done by modelling the desired healthy goals. A lifestyle of “do as I say and do” is more effective than “do as I say, not as I do”. Charming little monkeys into order requires self control and healthily managed emotions of those in charge.

The Spinning Wheel

Ridiculous things always resulted in the TENSION. Simple issues that could easily be resolved, if just one person did not feel determined to have control, an attitude of my way or the high way!

The controlling trait is enhanced by a subservient person giving in for the sake of “peace” as attempts to reason are dismissed, scorned or abusively rejected by the dominant party. The peace lover often eventually gives in but gradually begins to resist the irrationality for no other reason besides it being irrational! The conflict with a tyrannical person being challenged ends up in an acrimonious INCIDENT as personalities clash! It then seems impossible to carry on…..

Apologies may follow from the abuser being seemingly repentant, or the victim apologising in desperation for peace – including religious or cultural convictions of peace being maintained at all costs. The apologies, fake or true, help to glide into RECONCILIATION. Impressive heart softening gifts may be bought, to appease residual angst, extraordinary kindness shown to the victim makes it more convincing that there’s been a turn around. It would seem there is a turn for better with a period of apparent EASE but once the victim’s guards are down, there’s fussing again by the abuser about nothing and anything. Trivial matters are magnified and the DRAMA starts again.

The wheel begins to gather speed as Tension mounts to an ………….. Incident (major explosion!) Reconciliation is next and then Ease till a trivial matter starts Drama and rolls the cycle on and on..

The victim is T-I-R-E-D of and gets drained as the cycle repeats – Reserves: mental, emotional and physical are drained and without appropriate help in breaking the cycle, the victim breaks and sometimes too late…!

Break the cycle of domestic abuse! Save lives!! Every life matters!!!!

The victim gets more and more T_I_R_E_D and without appropriate intervention, like an occult bleed, lifes have been lost whilst those around may not suspect a terminal state of chronic abuse….

Please encourage suspects to seek expert help to prevent ill advice that compounds the complex difficulty.

Related: The Deepest Well

Children from the Spinning Wheel

On the surface it all looked well. A happy family that many dreamt of. On the inside the waters were troubled. Unhappy souls keeping a front. From time to time, there were rays of hope and thoughts that “this too will pass”, like the past storms. Resilience begins to wane, thoughts of hope start to fade. A pattern of abuse in various forms and waning hope with the next turn becomes the norm. The spinning wheel of unseen pain depleting the strength to carry on! The cycle if not broken results in the lives of those involved being shattered! Unfortunately more victims are often present: the impact on children of abuse in any form is deeply damaging and carries on to adulthood!

baby child close up crying
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Some will argue that the children were shielded from the drama of the domestic abuse. If a house is raging on fire and children are kept in a separate room, are they at risk of harm in any form? Could they not inhale toxic fumes and suffer harm in various ways? How dangerous is the impact of toxic fumes? What is the effect on the children in the future when they smell smoke or see a fire?

Domestic violence is damaging to children, physically, mentally and emotionally. Please break the cycle of abuse – get expert help! Every life matters!!!!

Is education the best legacy?

Having a formal education to the highest degree attainable, in the highest ranked institutions, doubtless opens doors for great opportunities and a high standard of living. I can’t however help noting many individuals without a formal education who not only live a life of stunning affluence but have also been able to sponsor life transforming project with being empowered by knowledge and grit!

Is education therefore the best legacy? It is important to define what is required from education: knowledge, inspiring association, enhanced ability to think and maximise individual abilities.

Knowledge acquired and not exercised is fruitless! Knowledge is the food for any successful endeavour, understanding is the process for knowledge to be effectively applied. Maintaining the process to ensure sustained productivity and a continual harvest of healthy produce requires perseverance. Staying focused on a defined long term plan helps persevere in continuous acquisition of knowledge in every relevant area, alongside ongoing exercising of knowledge acquired.

Knowledge is the bunch of keys, no matter what container it comes in institutionalized or self taught. Understanding is knowing the process for the keys to work. Perseverance is the strength never to give up as one door leads to another of greater opportunities…..

The Unknown Dungeon

It didn’t make sense why it felt like being in a dungeon. It seemed like an internal pain with no visible injury or apparent reason. There were no chains yet she felt shackled. Lola was puzzled by her confusing thoughts, especially when she had moved on from an abusive relationship and in many ways, to a better life. The challenge, she noted, was the fumes of the past still lingered. Could any one not tell she was still trapped? Incessant unreasonable demands ftom an ended relationship, that made her feel pressured to respond against her best judgements? Confusing thoughts on how best to keep herself and her children safe? Safety, not just from physical harm but emotional abuse.

Free indeed!

Domestic abuse is not just “fighting”. Deprivation of freedom in any way, a possessive spouse, controlling parent, unhealthy primitive cultural values, a domineering/controlling person, are some of the factors that result in an entrapping relationship where freedom is denied in various ways.

Free on the outside and trapped on the inside is not freedom! That is living in a dungeon whilst there’s light, love and life all around. There is light and life around, true love abounds in the hearts of friends and family who truly care. There’s professional help as well. Please don’t stay in the dungeon and waste your life! Everyone has a right to life, love and liberty.

Reach out to love, light and life!

Reach out for help!!

Be free indeed!!!

My Culture

Speaking evil of the dead is not acceptable in some cultural settings yet most people may agree that right is right and wrong is wrong. Whatever anyone chooses to believe the truth will stay unchanged: thorns will not change to cotton balls regardless of anyone’s beliefs. So if we should not speak evil of the dead, should we not say anything bad about Rosemary West? Evil prevails when truth is silent!

Culture evolves and sometimes revolves. What should be upheld is the good and not the ills. Some ancient practices, if upheld, would cause much harm and fatalities. There are however lots of benefits in some traditional values and practices, that may have deterred evil doings we experience in our world today, had these been upheld. Right values have been disregarded with people placing a heavier weight on “my culture”, referring to practices they know nothing of the origin.

My culture” should be the culture fuelled by determination to uphold the good and abolish the bad. My culture should not just be practices and beliefs handed down from generations past, for some of these may have been beneficial in decades gone and detrimental in today’s world. The attire my ancestors wore may rouse concerns about my mental state if I dared don the same today. Transportation system for today should not be as it was in centuries gone, suitable for the culture then and not fit for now. Our culture should be a collection of “my culture” as individually and collectively we determine and persevere in upholding good and shunning evil, blending only the best of traditions.

What is “your culture”?

Freedom

Freedom is knowing what you are born for and pursuing its fulfilment with all you have as best you can.

A man persecuted for a cause he is passionate about is indeed free – he is on his journey to his chosen destination and the challenges are exciting with focus on his vision. Others who may be trapped by limiting thoughts or imprisoning beliefs remain trapped in unhappy states, desperate for something better but held back by unseen chains. Living in the shadows of apparent liberty, but indeed not free – a prisoner of life.

Let go of anything that makes you stop!

There is a price for any form of freedom. The costs may be funds to acquire knowledge, sacrificing dear relationships that pull back from desired healthy goals, mustering courage or engaging with support to stand up to injustice, the discipline of new habits, towards being all one is designed to be. The journey of life then becomes exciting, with exercising liberty and being truly free regardless of external circumstances.

What thoughts hold you back from your desired destination?

What needs to give, to pave a way for the onward journey to dream destination?

You were born an original, don’t die a copy!