Coercive Control.

The “forces” were again at work! Dreading her tired mind would have to get into an endless futile debate, she gave in to the request for the family savings to be used for a proposed business venture, better put another ‘business’ gamble that was clearly not going to yield anything! It was easier to consent else…..The cost of saying “no” would be a frighteningly angry man, endless complaints from him about not acting in the best interest of the family, allegations of her ‘sabotaging’ his great plans for his children….there would be no end! Threats and intimidation would usually drown her voice and choke her choice. It was much easier to give in, for there would at least be peace, if only for a short while before the next challenge, so was it really peace?

Using force to have his way regardless of her wishes had become a pattern of behaviour. Persistent, irrational justification, truly termed manipulation, for whatever he desired till she gave in, threats to change family plans or desert the family and even once he threatened suicide, just to have his way! He was the dominant party in whatever decision needed to be made. The controlling behaviour was so draining mentally and emotionally, he would persist till she lost the strength to think, thinking had become confusing….and then she would give in again. On reflection she later realized he also timed his demands: call her when she was at work for an instant decision about an urgent big deal at stake, being woken at 2am to reach an agreement that could not wait till morning? Seemingly involving her made it seem her opinion mattered, yet all that counted was all she could bring to the table for him to pursue his goals, regardless of the cost to her or anyone else in any way! It was so subtle. It was his way or the highway.

Most people thought she had it good, just the way he wanted their life to look. Her continuing subservience had sustained his outrageous demands, truth be said she enhanced it. Putting her foot down seemed the only way to break the pattern she had been unhappily putting up with for years, but the cost seemed more and more unbearable! BBC News – Relationships: Coercive control abuse ‘is not love’
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-50601858

He denied being abusive, when once confronted, “have I ever hit you?” True, there was no physical abuse, never, but the confusing conflict of living life by decisions she was not in agreement with, was to her, violation of her own beliefs. She felt her self fading away, slow death, energy sapped, finances drained yet for him she was not enough in any way…. she had been agreeing to what she was in disagreement with, in too many ways, for so long that it had become the norm. Self deceit? Sometimes it seemed to make sense, but only when under pressure… later she would think clearly and battle self doubt,then the cycle continued…..her mind felt fuzzy, living seemed really crazy! She realized she needed a greater force to break free from the clutches of unseen controlling forces in her life.

Coercive control is crazymaking! Please don’t suffer in silence.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

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https://www.restoredrelationships.org/resources/info/51/

Author: Wonuola

I am on a journey of finding Wisdom and engaging in learning from like minded people. I am passionate about holistic health and keen to live and share the truth for healthy body, spirit and soul for it is the truth that one knows which sets free. Wealth is Health!

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