Wrapping paper

“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”. This is sometimes the response from a person offended. The words said are seemingly right, but the tone heard is upsetting. Compliments may be presented in condescending tones, like nice gifts in dirty wrapping paper. 

Children are known to be very perceptive of non-verbal communication and easily pick up on a lot of what is not said. It is no wonder that anger in a child can be traced to angry communication from loving parents/ caters, who themselves speak the language of anger having been exposed to it from their childhood. 

It takes effort to learn a new language, usually more challenging the older one grows. The language of kindness will take time to learn after speaking harshness for decades. Where there is a will there is a way! Choices carry benefits / losses. The rewarding culture of love speaks the language of life: kindness, wholeness, encouragement in words and tone. 

Let’s choose life, love and laughter and speak its language in every way!

Free Indeed!

There be many walking free, yet deep within enshackled be. There are yet those imprisoned seen, but truly are free and free indeed!

He that the son hath set free is free indeed!

The judge had ruled the accused was free, the details unknown but it mattered not. The chains were broken, the documents issued, doors wide open to walk out free. In the corner of the prison cell, the young woman cowered grasping her knees, her tangled long hair veiling her bowed head. She seemed not to understand she had been freed!

Guilty but without blame: It mattered not if she was guilty or not. She was entitled to walk out in true liberty. Physical chains had been broken, there was nothing apparent deterring her.  Thoughts of unworthiness, feeling undeserving, unbelief, doubt and fears were heavier chains that none could see, holding her back from walking free!

Chains : Thoughts of the past drag , fear of the future, leaving the familiar are not uncommon setbacks chains. The unhealthy thought of a “better devil” fuel bad choices of living bound, whilst opportunities fade out and dreams are aborted.

 

 

The Spillage

A slight increase in temperature and water becomes steam. A little more pressure and capacity is exceeded, resulting in contents overflowing. Simple measures, like a wooden spoon on a pot of boiling pasta may easily prevent a messy spillage! The wooden spoon may be the listening ear of a faithful friend, a brother stepping in at the last minute to help or an extra hand in getting a job done. 


Every individual has a specific capacity to contain stressors/pressures, beyond which without other measures being put in place, bubbles from internal stress spill over and creates an external mess. Messy spillage may be avoided with well timed extra help, like wooden spoon, preferably a cool one, would avert messy spilling over when boiling pasta. Reducing volume of the fluid in the pot also helps as less bubbles would be generated, like minimizing triggers for stressors – prevention being better than cure.

I have often wondered how the wooden spoon prevents the spillage. Many factors have been considered, including: contact of the bubbles with the wooden spoon breaks the surface tension and the bubbles burst into air. The right intervention at a peak time of stress can be a massive step in preventing disaster!

It is best to reach out for help, be it a friend to talk to, professional help for advice or support, or simple measures like taking time to rest and re-charge one’s batteries. Getting help as early as possible prevents complications. There’s a wooden spoon and various other measures to prevent messy spillages. if one measure is ineffective, try another. Prevention is better than cure!

Adaptation

My children often marvel at my handling hot kitchen ware with bare hands. It has come with years of regularly cooking hot meals. I often get away with not being burnt as the contact is for very brief periods. 

Adverse situations may be survivable if only for short periods but not sustainable in the long run. Toxic relationships are similar. 

Victims of abuse are thought to remain in toxic relationships for many reasons: guilt, shame of failed relationship, fear of financial loss or loss of false security, fear of adverse consequences including death and even fear of the unfamiliar! 

The story is told of a toad in a pond with the temperature gradually increased. It kept adjusting and seemingly coping till the temperature was not sustainable to its viability. Adapting to subtle worsening  atmosphere and continuing to adapt to an unfavourable environment, resulted in the toads ultimate death! 

The warning signs are often there, the painful things so hard to bear and hazard lights clear to the sight. Reasons abound to resist change, be it culture or fear of change. Staying in pain for way too long may end in worse than what was feared!

 Resustance to, or fear of making a change may end in irreversible disaster! 

Make the change for healthier living! If need be get help.

Health tip:                                       Challenges should not be avoided, they help develop stronger muscles- mentally, emotionally and spiritually, like weights in a gym. Challenges should however be tolerated within healthy limits. 


Use it or “lose it”

Anger rests in the bosom of fools, says the wise man. Often the question is asked if it is good to be angry. 

Righteous Anger.                             Wickedness would be more prevalent if people did not get angry at wrongdoing. Anger therefore is good in a healthy dose and for an appropriate period, hence the admonition to be angry and not sin!

People are sometimes described as having “lost it” when anger is not positively utilised and rather retained and brewed, till it takes over and spills out, to the angry person’s detriment and not uncommonly to others’ detriment too. 

Wisdom says: 

  • Not to be friends with an angry man so one does not learn his ways. Evil communication corrupts good manners.
  • Do not make a habit of rescuing an angry man! Repeatedly rescuing an angry man prevents him from learning the consequences of his behaviour. There would be more accidents and lives lost, if there were no consequences for jumping red lights. Proverbs 19:19
  • It is a waste of time rescuing an angry man from the consequences of his anger, for you would have to keep doing it. Proverbs 19:19
  • Angry man stirs up strife, but one slow to anger calms strife down. Proverbs 15:8
  • The one who has control over his spirit is greater than the person who conquers a city. Proverbs 16:32

Anger should therefore be used in making positive changes, ensuring positive transformation with anger at wrong doing. Anger should not be let out without the mind processing it for better use besides it being uncontrollably let out. 

The Real Deal

The real deal is not what you see and oftentimes not what is said. There is a need that one must hear and see beyond the apparent. 

Efforts are made to be seem to be what is perceived as desired. Make up, false tones, acts that state else besides what is reality. 

The tortoise shell some see it as, what we project to hide under. Seeming bravery whilst melting under. Excessive covers may hint that it ain’t the real real deal.

An intense covering may help discern that the real deal ain’t what we see. Vulberability and fear hiding under the covering usually perceived.

Better perception then we need, to get to know the real real deal. Else oft we will misjudge many and also ourselves be well deceived. 

Seasons of Life

A harvest is not expected in the season for sowing. It would also be deemed irrational to expect to reap when nothing has been sown. Different crops are sown at different times in different regions. Seasons determine what is best sown and harvest times consequently varies with types of crops. 

It is no different in human lives, there is a time to speak kindly and a time to be angry. There is a time for working hard and a time to rest. Relaxing at a time when hard work is required may result in having nothing when others are reaping a bountiful harvest from their labours. 

To everything there is a season 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (KJV)

Doing the right thing at the right time has also kept many from regretable situations. Staying focused at work for instance could prevent one from getting into unhealthy conversations, that could destroy valuable relationships. 

Discerning of the seasons in life and engahing in the right thing at the right time is a key to healthy living! 

Harvest 

It would be considered insanity to sow apple seeds and expect to reap bananas! Indeed a person who expresses such thoughts will understandably be deemed to have gone bananas! 

It is common however, that a harvest different different from what is sown is expected: A hostile teacher expecting cheerful students, an angry parent disappointed the children are always irritable.

——————————————————————-If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

Prayer Inertia

Listening to Prayer Storm on you tube today helped deal with worrying thoughts on reluctance to prayer. Everything seems easier to do when there’s an urge to pray. 
My term for this is prayer inertia. Discipline is required to advance in any worthwhile activity and inertia need firstbbe overcome whatever the magnitude. 
The joy of what lies beyond motivates to persevere till momentum is gathered and one begins to soar. It brings to mind activities one may not sometimes be keen on, reluctantly attends and later feels excited and thankful for going. The decision to do what’s right and stay with it is required to reap the benefits of prayer. 
Once inertia is overcome the ride becomes increasingly less challenging, like a plane gathering momentum then begins to soar. Persevering in the place of prayer, connecting with the deeper wells within is rewarding, but requires overcoming inertia to break through to the refreshing depths.

May we be strengthened to pray🙏🏾

Treasure or Trash

It is fascinating how what is considered trash to one person is priceless treasure to another. Antique shops are often full of things that many may look at disdainfully and yet many others will treasure, willingly to pay large sums of money for. Scrap papers deemed a nuisance to a big business and trashed is precious material for others who put to creative use. 

Relationships are not very different. A person rejected by someone is treasured by another. Why? 

We all see different things from values determined by our life experiences, and other factors too. Short term gain may influence choices that result in long term pain. Choices therefore need to be determined by values that are beneficial in the long term. 

Think Twice! 

Even a small amount of money carelessly spent daily, accumulated in the long term is of far greater value. Think twice before making a decision to discard things. Worth noting though, some things if not discarded will block room for treasure!