The Price of Peace

It was easier to give in, for peace sake! It was easier to please him, for peace sake! Giving up her dreams was no big deal as long as there was ‘peace’… till she started wondering what peace, peace, peace? truly means.

There was no way of pleasing him…it became apparent that was impossible. Nothing was good enough whilst he did nothing! Disrespectful, disobedient, dim…were a few of the words he described her to be. She began doubting her worth, thinking she could not have been so smart if she felt she was in a mess. Was it really a mess? He was sometimes so nice, thoughtful…else she would not be in the relationship in the first place??? She wondered what she had missed. Hmmm…

Confusion began to set in, as transient ‘good’ phases clouded bad memories. She could not tell what to expect at anytime, like harsh wintrous weather intruding a bright summer day and suddenly swinging back to not knowing what next, like the confusion in her mind…..yet needing to carry on with life ‘as usual’. Attempts at keeping a mental record seemed to make no sense, for things then seemed to go well for a season….she feared she may be imagining things as he would also deny what were her vivid recollection of distressing events.

BBC News – Domestic abuse: NI charity develops app to track incidents
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-47807040

Omolola began questioning herself! What is the price of peace when pieces of her life seemed to keep getting chipped off. She feared her sanity was beginning to fall apart…could not afford that for the children’s sake if nothing else. Surely there must be a reason for living besides living to please someone for ‘peace’ sake. She knew there was more to life than what she was enduring….something had to change! This really was not peace, not for her, not for her children! She decided, “It is enough” for peace surely could not be her falling to pieces!!

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Toxicity!

It’s odorless and tasteless, so often not noticed as it seeps in. The destructive effect may soon ir gradually become extensive, damaging more than can be imagined. Nerves are damaged to varying extents and many lives have too often been lost! https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/carbon-monoxide-poisoning/

It’s no different from emotional abuse, covered by makeup, fancy clothes and looking “the part”. “Suffering and smiling” so those around do not detect that life is fast ebbing away, like an internal bleed!

Truth is what sets free! Detangling from abuse is needed to save lives! Pain physical or emotional is an indication something is not right. Continuous inhalation of the toxic fumes of abuse causes worsening damage mentally, emotionally and physically! Please don’t live with emotional distress when help is available. Reach out safely for help and break free from toxic and abusive relationships.

Get help before help becomes impossible!

BBC News – ‘Groundbreaking’ new domestic abuse law comes into force
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-47764648

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The Egg

The pastor smiled in apparent amusement at the concerns I expressed of inappropriate behaviour towards me. Our finances being discussed openly, did not seem right to me. My spouse had been bragging of buying me some expensive outfits which I must admit I would not have bought without a lot of persuasion to justify spending so much on clothes. What he did not add was that it had all been paid for with my credit card.

He and his pastor seemed to enjoy their conversation, deriding his recently married wife, both smiling as the pastor declared in a soft tone, “she is an egg!” Not being one for confrontation or disagreements, I held my peace, after gently stating my bit: personal affairs were not for public discussion.

The years that followed were marked with increasing insult to the egg, who proved quite resilient but still was “an egg”. True to its nature it eventually cracked and contents that had safely been contained spilt to the surprise of many. Pressure on its shell had been tolerated for longer than one would imagine for it was not an ordinary egg. Its nature however resulted inevitably resulted in its giving in to external excessive and unjustified pressure.

The egg had apparently been deemed to be one that rolled where pushed and for many years subservient compliance was the norm. The egg rolled back and forth, as required of it but it appeared a lot more was happening on the inside and pressure seemed to bring out unexpected things. The contents of the egg when it finally cracked was a shock to many. Cheeky chick!

By Omolola.

The Ball

Keeping one’s eyes on the ball is key in any game. The game of life is no different, with a need to keep one’s eyes on individual life purpose. Distractions abound from opponents and the monkeying impulsive part of man, that may result in losing focus and beautiful purpose aborted.

A determination to keep the main thing the main thing, helps resist distractions and stay on track in fulfilling purpose!

Don’t sniff what you shouldn’t eat!

One of my dad’s favourite sayings was not to sniff what you had not considered eating. It reminds me of the story of the little trout that disregarded its mother’s warning not to go near a fly, for “that horrid fly is used to hide the sharpness of the hook!”

There are convictions that prevent making dangerous life decisions. Trouble has often been known to sooner or later follow when these healthy convictions are disregarded and other reasons are used to justify changing our minds: sniffing again at food that seemed to have gone off because it looked good or for an uncontrolled appetite may make it enticingly acceptable.

The little trout was young and not so wise, described by the poet as “young and foolish too”, so disregarding the wisdom of old of its aged mother, it ventured out “to see if it were true”. Yes, the little trout sniffed what it was not supposed to eat till it convinced itself and in confidence said “I’m sure that’s not a hook!”

The end of the story is like many regretful cases when one looks back and remembers the inside gentle safety nugde that said “don’t” and draws our attention to subtle signs of danger ahead. The trout played around the hook “with many a longing look”, its greedy mind seeing the fly and not the trap till it got caught and with last breath stated “dear mother had I minded you, I need not now have died”. Dreams have been shattered for sniffing what had been considered inedible, more disasters may be averted by heeding our safety nudges and past experiences may be used to help others avoid land mines on life’s tortuous paths!

Please don’t sniff what you are sure you shouldn’t eat!

My Child’s Language

It would be surprising if a child growing up in an English speaking home suddenly started speaking Urdu, with no one at home able to speak a word in Urdu. A child’s primary language therefore develops from exposure rather than formal learning.

Other languages may be learntformally or informally, but the primary language is that which forms the foundation from which other languages may later be gradually understood. Likewise individual reflex behaviours are developed from primary learning. No wonder it is said that a fruit does not fall far from its tree.

What language does a child speak? Anger, joy, love, hatred, gladness or sadness, aggression or kindness, warmth or cold? If the child is not speaking the home language where may the child have been exposed to the “foreign” language spoken?

Buried Alive

Physical death is not the only reason that people end up six feet under the ground. There are people walking around us, seemingly engaging actively with the world but their hopes and dreams and all they yearned to be had been killed and buried though they are still breathing: they have been buried alive!

Earthly existence is meaningful with purpose. Embarking on a journey with no destination, short or long term stirs frustration and confusion. Defining the destination may take a while but still more purposeful than no thought or hope of defining a reason for living.

Whatever phase of life one may be in, avoid those who may try to bury you alive. Live with a purpose, live for your maker and flee from any thing or anyone that distracts from your sole allegiance to a purposeful life that’s divinely designed. Don’t let anyone bury you alive!

Think Trauma…

Victims of near fatal accidents have been known to have little and sometimes, no recollection of the post trauma events. Memory loss, mutism and confusion are some of the recognised post trauma presentations.

Emotional trauma is no different. Adverse experiences can result in numbing or injury of mental processes, that little is recalled of events after the trauma or that which is recalled is muddled up. It is therefore no wonder, that trauma victims may become distressed trying to give details required to help them.

Bringing distressing emotions to the surface may result in a mind battle, as protective processes in the mind attempt to suppress memories of stressful events in a bid to avoid pain.

If a friend is struggling in recollecting details of an event, it may be thay the recollection is more painful than it appears and one resuscitated memory triggers further recollections that are more distressing. Be a patient listener and support those who may seem to find it hard to express themselves.

Think trauma! Trauma is not only physical it could be mental too! A little kindness could make a world of difference.

Constipation

If you painfully push to poo, there’s very likely something wrong. An unhealthy diet, anxiety from a similar painful experience, poor hydration are some causes to be considered.

The same way, getting read of toxins in any form should not be unduly stressful. Eliminating dietary waste may be distressing if one has been eating unhealthy things. Getting rid of toxic feelings, associations or behaviours may also be very challenging if one has been imbibing wrong beliefs from an unhealthy emotional diet or processing thoughts in a detrimental manner, like a malfunctioning digestive tract causing constipation.

Getting rid of toxic emotions, toxic relationships and toxic habits help to enhance mental and emotional wellbeing. No one is designed to be a home for toxins.
You were designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness ~Zig Ziglar

Toxic thoughts may be likened to birds flying around you, you can’t stop them from coming but you can decide how best to deter them.

You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them for building a nest in your hair ~Martin Luther King