Coercive Control

Like the Corona virus, you can’t see it, yet it destroys lives and many have died. Like the Corona virus, it needs to be stopped, else it will destroy more lives, young and old, rich and poor and many more will die!

Strategy not energy! Coercive control sucks life strategically: manipulating, intimidating, dominating and controlling with the victims giving in against their desires, confusingly convinced to do what the perpetrator demands! A small chance away from the perpetrator, lets in some light for reflection, “why did I give in?” Sanity is restored, like respite from breathlessness and fever, but short lived till the symptoms overwhelm rational thinking again and the cycle repeats!

The Corona pandemic has made it more challenging for domestic abuse victims, with no respite from abusers in the home. Those with controlling employers may have a break, though working from home does not disentangle from the powerful tentacles of controlling bosses! Longstanding emotional abuse may be compounded by physical abuse with the pandemic lockdown.                     

BBC News – Coronavirus: I’m in lockdown with my abuser

There’s no simple solution for this complex issue, no one size fits all! The need to keep safe is paramount! Beware of coercive control, it’s damage by strategy not energy!

Look out for warning signs in friends and family members. Reach out to support with safety in mind. Encourage engagement with professional help and safety in mind.

#gethelp #keepsafe #pleasekeepsafe


My eyes focused on the tasty looking bits in the dish, as I served my lunch. My thoughts guided my selection, the bits of meat to boost my iron levels and a good source of protein too. I added some “veg” for some fibre and was mindful of getting vitamins and trace elements too.

It occured to me that thoughts also should be chosen with care and my mind the POT as power over thoughts. Cheerful and positive thoughts empower to do good. Fearfilled thoughts stir up panic and hinder healthy responses. As the saying goes by Martin Luther, you cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest. Thoughts may come from various sources, Corona virus news from the media, distressing events to friends and family members, bad news about one’s health from the doctors etc

Choice! Choose the thoughts that’ll do you good! Like stopping the bird from making a nest, thoughts may be arrested for prevention of harm. Healthy thoughts, like good ideas may also be embraced and developed for the good of others!

So, with news flying around daily, the need to be calm and prevent further harm is needed.

Catch the thought that’s agitating. It’s usually a phrase or sentence that keeps repeating itself and rousing fear. Confront it, it’s a bullying thought!

Address the thought. Is it helpful or dreadful? Allowing unhealthy thoughts to stay is like deliberate self harm!

Lead the thought in if its healthy or out if detrimental. Sometimes, help may be needed to get harmful thoughts out, like talking to a friend or professional help to put the distress to an end. Stubborn weed may need extra help to be uprooted!

Make a plan! #MAP What have I found helpful / unhelpful. If this happens again, what will I do?

Doing nothing increases the chance of the bird building its nest, hatching its eggs and breeding more birds over one’s head!



Immunity is the ability to resist a threat to health or wellness. The ability to resist successfully, requires a healthy defense system, akin to an army defending its nation. Situations however arises when an army is unable to wage war effectively and gets easily defeated.

Overwhelming invasion by the enemy. Many people may for instance have been exposed to the Corona virus but the body’s army (the immune system) has been able to fight and win, hence a relatively period of feeling unwell and then restoration to normal functioning. The admonition for staying home and social distancing are part of measures to reduce the viral load by limiting exposure to the virus and prevent the army being overwhelmed and unduly defeated!

A tired army! There is a limit to how much a person or system can handle effectively before the law of diminishing returns sets in. Excessive anxiety and fear are emotional weights that overload the immune system resulting in the body’s army being weakened and too tired to ward off threats of fight an invading infection. It is therefore important to engage in strategies and exercises that allay anxiety. Parents may for instance need to choose the battles they engage in with their children, to preserve their emotional energy, protecting their army’s reserves.

A healthy army. The army needs to be fit and healthy, to engage victoriously in battles! Healthy eating, adequate rest and regular appropriate exercise are some of the key activities the army requires. It is no different for the immune system, our body’s defence to fight infections and stay healthy!

Let’s keep fighting Corona, staying stronger together, as we wage the war together taking care of our immune system, our bodies’ armies.

Stronger Together

The Corona pandemic battle has highlighted the need for everyone to pull together. Some key workers have had to confront the virus directly, providing critical care for those severely infected. Some of these heroes of health have unfortunately lost their own lives, in the battle to save others. May their families draw some comfort in the knowledge of their lives being purposeful.

It was good to note the appreciation shown to “front line workers”. I however couldn’t help but be thankful for so many people behind the scenes, without whom the celebrated could not do what was required of them. These include teams who ensure hospitals are kept clean, deliveries are promptly supplied and many working unseen through the nights, to make sure food supplies and toiletries, water, electricity and other essentials are uninteruptibly available, as best as possible. A loss or breach in the provision of any of these supplies and services, would make it impossible for major services to run effectively, if at all possible.

Everyone counts! Every positive role matters!

#staysafe #strongertogether

A phone call to a friend may help to allay anxiety. Reaching out to others could encourage them with hope and break the hold if depression. We can all contribute in various ways to war against the virus and its threats. A divided army will fall but stronger together in fighting the enemy. Well done to everyone in various roles: parnts, carers, workers and multi-rolers!

We are stronger together, so please let’s keep pulling together as best as possible in every way!

Business as Usual

Another day at the clinic, phones ringing, patients queueing, angry parents, crying babies, the elderly struggling to be heard! One doctor less, he died last night, but business must and need continue as usual.

Years of hard work in a top firm, her table stacked with files to sort, keen to deliver top notch service, it may have to be at her expense. Unseen cold hands grip her colleagues hearts with fear, when the need to clear her desk comes up, as work needs go on. She had passed on with no notice, the weekend gone. The boss reassures all that her post has been filled that very week, her replacement soon would sort out the desk. The thought was loud, it could have been any of them so swiftly replaced! Business must and should continue as usual!

For the child who’s lost a parent, for the spouse without the other, for the mother or father who’s son or daughter has gone too soon, it’s not business as usual, and really may never be!

Stress can be insidously toxic! Time rolls on regardless of who exits. Life is a gift each person is given to use as desired. Taking on more than is healthy in anyway, or not reaching out for help when life gets challenging, may result in a exiting earth prematurely!

Please avoid burning out. Healthy choices, healthy life! #Carpediem! #befreeindeed

Buyer Beware

High worth goods are treated with special care, and should be, especially when a high price has been paid! Unfortunately doubt may sometimes be cast on the value of treasure, when a mind, for various reasons, fails to perceive its worth.

Truth is priceless! Truth applied to a situation, helps to keep safe and bring positive transformation, for it gives light to know what is best done with a thing, a situation or a relationship. Truth therefore is life giving and aids in making the right decision.

“Buy the truth….sell it not!”

Disregarding the truth, at times when it tastes bitter, as it sometimes will, may put one at risk of an adverse experience! Unfortunately, deception is rife and evil not uncommonly packaged as good! Whatever the decision that needs be made, the onus is on the buyer to ensure toxin is not purchased as truth! Once you know the truth letting go of it can be dangerous. Buyer beware!!!


Conversations go on all day, within and without. The TV speaks, the radio too, friends and family voicing opinions, teachers and coaches sharing their views. Conversations are ongoing about everything and everyone in different ways. Things that are said from different perspectives, determine actions and reactions all around us.

My unseen internal dialogue (ID) is what counts!

What people say or think about does not count as much as what is said to self. The unseen internal dialogue (ID) is what determines how the world is viewed by an individual, and consequently the behaviour. Careful monitoring of one’s thoughts and choosing healthier thoughts over harmful thoughts, is therefore required for emotional wellbeing! Discipline from within enhances discipline without and ultimately a happier life!

Life is a Gift

Life is a gift, packaged differently for each person, to be expressed uniquely by each recipient. 
Life may expire on earth, with its potential never realized! It may be abused, if put to other use than that for which it is designed.

Each carrier of life, has the power to express life beautifully, a choice that may or may not be exercised, while the earthly allocation of life daily runs out! Every day counts!

Make each day count!

Coercive Control.

The “forces” were again at work! Dreading her tired mind would have to get into an endless futile debate, she gave in to the request for the family savings to be used for a proposed business venture, better put another ‘business’ gamble that was clearly not going to yield anything! It was easier to consent else…..The cost of saying “no” would be a frighteningly angry man, endless complaints from him about not acting in the best interest of the family, allegations of her ‘sabotaging’ his great plans for his children….there would be no end! Threats and intimidation would usually drown her voice and choke her choice. It was much easier to give in, for there would at least be peace, if only for a short while before the next challenge, so was it really peace?

Using force to have his way regardless of her wishes had become a pattern of behaviour. Persistent, irrational justification, truly termed manipulation, for whatever he desired till she gave in, threats to change family plans or desert the family and even once he threatened suicide, just to have his way! He was the dominant party in whatever decision needed to be made. The controlling behaviour was so draining mentally and emotionally, he would persist till she lost the strength to think, thinking had become confusing….and then she would give in again. On reflection she later realized he also timed his demands: call her when she was at work for an instant decision about an urgent big deal at stake, being woken at 2am to reach an agreement that could not wait till morning? Seemingly involving her made it seem her opinion mattered, yet all that counted was all she could bring to the table for him to pursue his goals, regardless of the cost to her or anyone else in any way! It was so subtle. It was his way or the highway.

Most people thought she had it good, just the way he wanted their life to look. Her continuing subservience had sustained his outrageous demands, truth be said she enhanced it. Putting her foot down seemed the only way to break the pattern she had been unhappily putting up with for years, but the cost seemed more and more unbearable! BBC News – Relationships: Coercive control abuse ‘is not love’

He denied being abusive, when once confronted, “have I ever hit you?” True, there was no physical abuse, never, but the confusing conflict of living life by decisions she was not in agreement with, was to her, violation of her own beliefs. She felt her self fading away, slow death, energy sapped, finances drained yet for him she was not enough in any way…. she had been agreeing to what she was in disagreement with, in too many ways, for so long that it had become the norm. Self deceit? Sometimes it seemed to make sense, but only when under pressure… later she would think clearly and battle self doubt,then the cycle continued…..her mind felt fuzzy, living seemed really crazy! She realized she needed a greater force to break free from the clutches of unseen controlling forces in her life.

Coercive control is crazymaking! Please don’t suffer in silence.



L❤VE became flesh at Christmas time,  the gift of life to man,
God was birthed in human flesh, to live and share with us.

His life poured out when crucified, the cause for which he came, he paid the price to set us free from shackles of sin unseen.

And all who choose to trust in Him, embrace the gift of grace: life eternal freely given and they are free indeed!

His presence gives life, joy and peace, in hearts that trust in Him.
Though life on earth may stormy be, His peace and love will keep.