The most common words children may often hear are “no” and “don’t”, with parents and carers attempts to prevent them from harm. Their faces may light up as the words suggest there’s something exciting that the boring adults are trying to stop. Full names being called may be endearing and ticklish to the monkey whilst a parent is fumingly trying to get a child’s attention. The desire for the deterred activity may be stirred, and the monkey within, being impulsive and longing for fun, soon leads the young minds in springing back to the very act they’ve been told off for. Parenting involves recognising the monkey needs managing, to help the child stay on a healthy track on life’s paths and it is worth noting that the child is not the monkey!
Adults who have not been helped in their early years to manage the chimps in them, are prone to abusive ways in parenting and in relationships, stemming from not being empowered with emotional management skills in their childhood or in later life. Teaching a child healthy habits in any way, is best done by modelling the desired healthy goals. A lifestyle of “do as I say and do” is more effective than “do as I say, not as I do”. Charming little monkeys into order requires self control and healthily managed emotions of those in charge.
Ridiculous things always resulted in the TENSION. Simple issues that could easily be resolved, if just one person did not feel determined to have control, an attitude of my way or the high way!
The controlling trait is enhanced by a subservient person giving in for the sake of “peace” as attempts to reason are dismissed, scorned or abusively rejected by the dominant party. The peace lover often eventually gives in but gradually begins to resist the irrationality for no other reason besides it being irrational! The conflict with a tyrannical person being challenged ends up in an acrimonious INCIDENT as personalities clash! It then seems impossible to carry on…..
Apologies may follow from the abuser being seemingly repentant, or the victim apologising in desperation for peace – including religious or cultural convictions of peace being maintained at all costs. The apologies, fake or true, help to glide into RECONCILIATION. Impressive heart softening gifts may be bought, to appease residual angst, extraordinary kindness shown to the victim makes it more convincing that there’s been a turn around. It would seem there is a turn for better with a period of apparent EASE but once the victim’s guards are down, there’s fussing again by the abuser about nothing and anything. Trivial matters are magnified and the DRAMA starts again.
The wheel begins to gather speed as Tension mounts to an ………….. Incident (major explosion!) Reconciliation is next and then Ease till a trivial matter starts Drama and rolls the cycle on and on..
The victim is T-I-R-E-D of and gets drained as the cycle repeats – Reserves: mental, emotional and physical are drained and without appropriate help in breaking the cycle, the victim breaks and sometimes too late…!
Break the cycle of domestic abuse! Save lives!! Every life matters!!!!
The victim gets more and more T_I_R_E_D and without appropriate intervention, like an occult bleed, lifes have been lost whilst those around may not suspect a terminal state of chronic abuse….
Please encourage suspects to seek expert help to prevent ill advice that compounds the complex difficulty.
On the surface it all looked well. A happy family that many dreamt of. On the inside the waters were troubled. Unhappy souls keeping a front. From time to time, there were rays of hope and thoughts that “this too will pass”, like the past storms. Resilience begins to wane, thoughts of hope start to fade. A pattern of abuse in various forms and waning hope with the next turn becomes the norm. The spinning wheel of unseen pain depleting the strength to carry on! The cycle if not broken results in the lives of those involved being shattered! Unfortunately more victims are often present: the impact on children of abuse in any form is deeply damaging and carries on to adulthood!
Some will argue that the children were shielded from the drama of the domestic abuse. If a house is raging on fire and children are kept in a separate room, are they at risk of harm in any form? Could they not inhale toxic fumes and suffer harm in various ways? How dangerous is the impact of toxic fumes? How are children affected by inhaling toxic fumes or constantly being terrified by raging fires in an environment where they ought to feel secure? What are the short and long term effects on fragile minds, of living with adults that live a lie – claiming togetherness to the world whilst children see the acrimonious discord? How do these children learn to trust or feel secure in a world that seems increasingly uncertain? How does their childhood experience empower them for the future?
Domestic violence is damaging to children, physically, mentally and emotionally. Please break the cycle of abuse – get expert help! Every child matters! Every life matters!!
Having a formal education to the highest degree attainable, in the highest ranked institutions, doubtless opens doors for great opportunities and a high standard of living. I can’t however help noting many individuals without a formal education who not only live a life of stunning affluence but have also been able to sponsor life transforming project with being empowered by knowledge and grit!
Is education therefore the best legacy? It is important to define what is required from education: knowledge, inspiring association, enhanced ability to think and maximise individual abilities.
Knowledge acquired and not exercised is fruitless! Knowledge is the food for any successful endeavour, understanding is the process for knowledge to be effectively applied. Maintaining the process to ensure sustained productivity and a continual harvest of healthy produce requires perseverance. Staying focused on a defined long term plan helps persevere in continuous acquisition of knowledge in every relevant area, alongside ongoing exercising of knowledge acquired.
Knowledge is the bunch of keys, no matter what container it comes in institutionalized or self taught. Understanding is knowing the process for the keys to work. Perseverance is the strength never to give up as one door leads to another of greater opportunities…..
It didn’t make sense why it felt like being in a dungeon. It seemed like an internal pain with no visible injury or apparent reason. There were no chains yet she felt shackled. Lola was puzzled by her confusing thoughts, especially when she had moved on from an abusive relationship and in many ways, to a better life. The challenge, she noted, was the fumes of the past still lingered. Could any one not tell she was still trapped? Incessant unreasonable demands ftom an ended relationship, that made her feel pressured to respond against her best judgements? Confusing thoughts on how best to keep herself and her children safe? Safety, not just from physical harm but emotional abuse.
Domestic abuse is not just “fighting”. Deprivation of freedom in any way, a possessive spouse, controlling parent, unhealthy primitive cultural values, a domineering/controlling person, are some of the factors that result in an entrapping relationship where freedom is denied in various ways.
Free on the outside and trapped on the inside is not freedom! That is living in a dungeon whilst there’s light, love and life all around. There is light and life around, true love abounds in the hearts of friends and family who truly care. There’s professional help as well. Please don’t stay in the dungeon and waste your life! Everyone has a right to life, love and liberty.
Speaking evil of the dead is not acceptable in some cultural settings yet most people may agree that right is right and wrong is wrong. Whatever anyone chooses to believe the truth will stay unchanged: thorns will not change to cotton balls regardless of anyone’s beliefs. So if we should not speak evil of the dead, should we not say anything bad about Rosemary West? Evil prevails when truth is silent!
Culture evolves and sometimes revolves. What should be upheld is the good and not the ills. Some ancient practices, if upheld, would cause much harm and fatalities. There are however lots of benefits in some traditional values and practices, that may have deterred evil doings we experience in our world today, had these been upheld. Right values have been disregarded with people placing a heavier weight on “my culture”, referring to practices they know nothing of the origin.
“My culture” should be the culture fuelled by determination to uphold the good and abolish the bad. My culture should not just be practices and beliefs handed down from generations past, for some of these may have been beneficial in decades gone and detrimental in today’s world. The attire my ancestors wore may rouse concerns about my mental state if I dared don the same today. Transportation system for today should not be as it was in centuries gone, suitable for the culture then and not fit for now. Our culture should be a collection of “my culture” as individually and collectively we determine and persevere in upholding good and shunning evil, blending only the best of traditions.
Freedom is knowing what you are born for and pursuing its fulfilment with all you have as best you can.
A man persecuted for a cause he is passionate about is indeed free – he is on his journey to his chosen destination and the challenges are exciting with focus on his vision. Others who may be trapped by limiting thoughts or imprisoning beliefs remain trapped in unhappy states, desperate for something better but held back by unseen chains. Living in the shadows of apparent liberty, but indeed not free – a prisoner of life.
There is a price for any form of freedom. The costs may be funds to acquire knowledge, sacrificing dear relationships that pull back from desired healthy goals, mustering courage or engaging with support to stand up to injustice, the discipline of new habits, towards being all one is designed to be. The journey of life then becomes exciting, with exercising liberty and being truly free regardless of external circumstances.
What thoughts hold you back from your desired destination?
What needs to give, to pave a way for the onward journey to dream destination?
It is monstrous and terrifying, this great beast thought no longer to exist. Its fumes have been smelt in least expected places, rousing terror and crushing spirits. Those who know it have described the havoc it has wrecked in many lives! Leviathan may no longer be seen in its ancient habitat, that’s because it’s relocated and metamorphosed to different forms, enabling it to find homes in lots more places, spreading its toxins to more lives.
It sneaks in faster than one thinks! Lurking, watching, then settles in. It may present with calm and charm, to get its victims’ off their guards before it pounces in on them. It’s been seen in three piece suits, in teen age groups, tyrant bosses and parents too. It steals, destroys and also kills. It seeks thrill alone with no regard for the cost to any other person, young or old!
Beware! Please beware before it strikes!! You know it’s near when you sense fear and tyranny. It cares for nothing but itself, and it seeks to oppress and depress, for then it feels it’s in control, which to it feels powerful. Leviathan feels at home with tyranny and fuels minds of dictators, pain and hardship gives it satisfaction, signs of oppression warms its blood. It loves the sight of its prey cringing in fear, demanding “obedience” to stroke its ego. It arrogantly derides any one who dares to challenge it! Intimidation, deceit, oppression, anger, threats, lies, manipulation, depression, control and coercion, are some of the signs Leviathan is at work. A conviction of entitlement to own what it has no right to, results in challenges it detests, feeling its “power” entitles him to anything and everything! Once it gets in, it is often hard to get out as often difficult detecting the old monster’s still alive. Many get so comfortable with the warmth of its deceit, letting guards down when it then strikes with raging fire that waxes and wanes. Physical and mental fatigue with confusion, result from the emotionally destructive relationship .
Prevention is better than cure! Flee and get help if you smell the fumes!!!
What’s on your mind? The demands of daily living can result in missing out seemingly trivial information that add great value to relationships.
My daughter was delighted at my friend showing up unexpectedly at ours, to give her a pack of her favourite sweets. The brand was, in my opinion, too expensive so I only got it on special occasions or when there seemed a need to cheer her up. She was happily surprised that my friend had, during a casual conversation, a week earlier, noted her fave sweet, gone out of her way and taken time to get it from the only shop in the area that had it, all to put a beautiful smile on a little girl’s face and warm her heart. That to me is mindfulness, some may say thoughtfulness.
It brightens others days when you call or send a gift on their special occasions, especially when you are not expected to remember, for that says you had them in mind. Making time to spend together if desired or sending good wishes on anniversaries and special days, may touch hearts a lot more than one may sometimes imagine. Showing appreciation, little acts of kindness, may bring healing and change the path of a life or even lives. It’s always worth going that extra mile to make others smile. I dare say it infuses life!
Let’s make more effort in our daily walk to be mindful of opportunities to infuse love, light and life, and together make our world a brighter and better place. That’ll be mindfulness in deed! ❤️
They sound the same and may look alike but when you taste or given time, you’ll be able to tell that Narc ain’t Mark! Mark’s the nice one, kind and thoughtful. Narc seems like him in many ways but so full of narcissitic traits! In early days it’s been hard to detect the different ways of Mark and Narc.Mark is selfless, empathic too. Narc presents kind solely for his gain, and plays mind games to have his way. At the start these are two nice guys, “kind hearted” it seems till time reveals. So, bleach and sprite may look alike in clear bottles and missing tags. A little taste, if you will dare, you’ll quickly find that bleach ain’t sprite! If it seems too good to be true, it may be true that it’s no good.
A healthy test is a detailed check, asking questions to find out more. The history helps with diligence, giving time too to reveal truth. It’s always best to check if it seems too good to be true, for it may be true that it’s no good so seems too good! It is safer to do without than end up with complications. It takes a willingness to be discerning to identify the real deal and worth the effort and the wait in the long run!