Coercive Control.

The “forces” were again at work! Dreading her tired mind would have to get into an endless futile debate, she gave in to the request for the family savings to be used for a proposed business venture, better put another ‘business’ gamble that was clearly not going to yield anything! It was easier to consent else…..The cost of saying “no” would be a frighteningly angry man, endless complaints from him about not acting in the best interest of the family, allegations of her ‘sabotaging’ his great plans for his children….there would be no end! Threats and intimidation would usually drown her voice and choke her choice. It was much easier to give in, for there would at least be peace, if only for a short while before the next challenge, so was it really peace?

Using force to have his way regardless of her wishes had become a pattern of behaviour. Persistent, irrational justification, truly termed manipulation, for whatever he desired till she gave in, threats to change family plans or desert the family and even once he threatened suicide, just to have his way! He was the dominant party in whatever decision needed to be made. The controlling behaviour was so draining mentally and emotionally, he would persist till she lost the strength to think, thinking had become confusing….and then she would give in again. On reflection she later realized he also timed his demands: call her when she was at work for an instant decision about an urgent big deal at stake, being woken at 2am to reach an agreement that could not wait till morning? Seemingly involving her made it seem her opinion mattered, yet all that counted was all she could bring to the table for him to pursue his goals, regardless of the cost to her or anyone else in any way! It was so subtle. It was his way or the highway.

Most people thought she had it good, just the way he wanted their life to look. Her continuing subservience had sustained his outrageous demands, truth be said she enhanced it. Putting her foot down seemed the only way to break the pattern she had been unhappily putting up with for years, but the cost seemed more and more unbearable! BBC News – Relationships: Coercive control abuse ‘is not love’

He denied being abusive, when once confronted, “have I ever hit you?” True, there was no physical abuse, never, but the confusing conflict of living life by decisions she was not in agreement with, was to her, violation of her own beliefs. She felt her self fading away, slow death, energy sapped, finances drained yet for him she was not enough in any way…. she had been agreeing to what she was in disagreement with, in too many ways, for so long that it had become the norm. Self deceit? Sometimes it seemed to make sense, but only when under pressure… later she would think clearly and battle self doubt,then the cycle continued…..her mind felt fuzzy, living seemed really crazy! She realized she needed a greater force to break free from the clutches of unseen controlling forces in her life.

Coercive control is crazymaking! Please don’t suffer in silence.



L❤VE became flesh at Christmas time,  the gift of life to man,
God was birthed in human flesh, to live and share with us.

His life poured out when crucified, the cause for which he came, he paid the price to set us free from shackles of sin unseen.

And all who choose to trust in Him, embrace the gift of grace: life eternal freely given and they are free indeed!

His presence gives life, joy and peace, in hearts that trust in Him.
Though life on earth may stormy be, His peace and love will keep.


“I have no faith” were my friend’s words, but this I didn’t believe. She’d walked right in and promptly taken a seat. She hadn’t checked in any way the seat had legs or was fit to seat on. There was nothing to confirm in any way her safety was ensured. Her trust without any evidence we both agreed was faith!

She’d also driven down the motorway where often there had been, many cars and trucks crashing, for which lives had been lost. She had driven down without a doubt that we would meet as planned, for had she feared that she would die, she sure would have stayed back. To this, again we both agreed she surely had shown faith, trusting she would attain her goal of arriving at her desired place. Her trust was in spite of the fact she could have crashed and died along the way! Again, as we both reflected this was without doubt FAITH.

Faith is exercised in different scenes and often daily too. Taking flights to unknown places, relationships including jobs, various types of investments and faith in many other ways. Every man therefore has a measure of the substance called faith. The use to which it is put determines what is reaped.

Faith is NOT physical evidence, for then it would not be faith! Faith to good use is confidence of positive desired outcomes, though doubt and fear threaten. It is the assurance for what we hope, evidence of that unseen and confidence when reasoning says contrary. It therefore at best, a force in life that doubt and fear resists. It is the power that pushes on to sail joyfilled through life and may be detrimentally used as confidence in fear.

Faith forges on in confidence, towards its focused goal, assured its dream is no different from what may seem real to most. Faith at its best, is not deterred by fear or doubt and and when used with the best at heart it transforms lives for good!


I am very thankful for countless blessings yet keen on my future being happier and lots more fruitful than the present. I look forward to a happier tomorrow with less stress, more time, beautiful moments with loved ones and enjoying healthy relationships. I am aware for the good harvest I seek I need to sow the right seeds and nurture the seeds appropriately as they develop, to guarantee the type of harvest I desire.

The care of my seeds as it grows needs to be unrelenting, else my potentially bountiful dream harvest may not become reality. The type of seeds I sow, the care of my seeds, the perseverance with caring, ensuring the right environment for each type of seeds, are some of tbe key factors that will determine the quality and quantity of my harvest.

Failure to plan is planning to fail! What do I desire for the future? What type of seeds do I need to sow? What type of seeds am I sowing? What consistent activities are required to take me from seed planting to harvest? A MAP is needed. #MakeAPlan.


Beauty in brokenness, but not from the start. Remoulded by the Potter though perceived by others as trash to discard! It once had its use, till life dealt it blows; misused, abused, displaced then replaced, it seemed in the world it no longer had a place!

The Potter saw much more, beauty in brokenness, no other perceived. With the Master touch, value was added where worth had eroded: trashed translated to treasured with the touch divine! Healing and wholeness, infused with light and newness of life! Refined, redefined and filled with new wine.

Highly treasured, greatly favoured! Without the brokenness there would have been no room for the gold that made it bold.

The Spider and the Fly

Said the spider to the fly, “come into my Parlour please”.  The fly resisted, the spider persisted, with skillful coercion the fly drew closer. Peeping playfully, fluttering then stuttering, the fly finally concluded there was no harm in exploring further, so into the web it joyfully went….

The web did feel soft and cosy, just as the spider had said, so the fly relaxed into the space feeling at ease with a sense of peace. A fly it is and fly it must, so soon its wings it began flapping, to be what it was made to be and enjoy its new relationship and new abode.

Confusion started creeping in, with not being able to fly, the web’s softness as each wing touched a thread, made the fly feel there was no need to fear, compounding its confusion.

Confusion mixed with worsening fear, as gradually the fly realized, the pretty web was indeed not what it appeared to be: Silkiness, softness and the intricate design, had been skillfully combined to trap innocent flies for the spider’s gain! The fly became fearful of its glaring inevitable ill fate, if it did not escape from its happy mate who continued very actively to secure it’s nest as best it could, to ensure its pet was wholly its.

Strategy not energy! The harder the victim flapped its wings, the more confused and tired it got. Expending more energy did not seem to help, it was getting weaker and weaker too, and felt more vulnerable to its friendly foe. Putting up a fight clearly made things worse, it needed a strategy and quickly too, that would ensure coming out safely and staying healthy!


Please check out The Freedom Programme and Leslie Vernick’s blogs.

The Journey

She described walking on egg shells and dreaded going home after work. I listened. She recalled episodes of her husband raging, leaving her petrified and fearful of what he may regretfully do. I listened.

She explained he was not a bad man but suddenly seemed to have changed. His demanding behaviour made her and the children scared whenever he was around. I nodded, in sad acknowledgement of how difficult things were for her.

I sighed,”it must have been difficult to please him”. She smiled in denial shaking her head, “no it wasn’t, it was impossible!” She said she hoped someday her story would be retold to give others hope, if she finally found a way out.

I had laughed, trying to make my concerns seem light, a bit anxious about being seen to be nosy. “We have to look after ourselves, we die once and best to make the days meaningful!” She had responded “every day is difficult” and added she could not see a way out”.

Gradually more had poured out and I listened. She recalled terrifying situations ….I listened. She expressed gratitude for being able to talk, she said she felt better. She did not know what the next best step was to stop living in fear and yet fearful of leaving the dungeon she called home, darkened only by the presence of one person.

She was tired and drained, physically and emotionally. She said she had feared no one could ever understand how she could be so scarred, with no visible scars. The traumatic lashes inflicted on her for years, were unseen and the scars therefore too! She had stayed trapped, trapped in her world of respite at work which was challenging, but gave a break from irrational unrelenting demands from what she called “home”. She had dared to talk when I pointed out she had been physically present at the training session but her mind apparently not.

She asked if we could meet again. I was delighted she asked and said “yes”. She wasn’t sure how she would wangle the chance, to be out without it being work or an event related to the children’s program. He detested the idea of her meeting up with other women. We agreed to meet up during her lunch break. I had more flexibility so would come over……she smiled, we hugged and said goodbye. I walked away with tear filled eyes, another woman with unseen pain and silent victims affected too….. I was glad this was the beginning of hope for another woman, her children and others who may be involved, maybe even the pepetrator of the trauma…someday?

She hoped her pain would not be in vain. She decided to be open and share her journey with every opportunity, in hope that someone, somewhere, if only one would be set free as she hoped to be…

Wi-Fi Syndrome

The young girl couldn’t wait till she started school. She had been told it wouldn’t happen till she turned 4years of age. She sat up with a bolt on that long awaited morning, her voice filled with excitement, “mummy, can I start school today? I am 4years old!”

The next few years were exciting, birthday parties with new found friends, relationships breaking and mending and girly chit chats about fall outs and boisterous boys. The excitement gradually began to wane! Phonics lessons got boring. The little fingers became itchy for pens. Pen licenses desired to give the feel of being grown up. The glory of primary school quickly faded for a desire to move to high school, where of course life would be more exciting….?

She had no doubt, high school would be the best phase of life!Alas, it wasn’t quite as hoped, so expectations of happiness were transferred to sixth form dreams. Unfortunately it didn’t happen there again, so next port of call was uni. life. University life was fun but ‘it’ was still missing. Oh! Finding the right relationship had to be the missing bit…it still didn’t happen. Marriage, examinations for qualifications, jobs and promotions, awards and recognitions, expeditions and celebrations…..’it’ did not emerge!

Decades had now gone and lifetime fast running out, yet ‘it’ had not been found and ‘it’ had to be somewhere……where???

The young girl now in an aged body, opportunities for exciting activities apparently much less than decades gone. If ‘it’ had been in all the past moments that made up the past years, life may have been fulfilling…… how could she have missed ‘it’? Or had she not? There had been times she had felt close to having ‘it’, but somehow it slipped away before she had ‘it’ fully.

Whatever it be, for each person, the only assurance is now! ‘It’ is always in every now. Many nows make the memories that brightens lives in years to come.

Please don’t get trapped in WIFI! “When I Find It………”

Life is a journey, each moment lost never to be regained, so best to make the most of each season whilst moving on in hope of better things. Every cloud has a silver lining!

Enjoy it as it is now!


Against All Odds

The seed was determined to grow against all odds. Threatened by pests, bad weather and stress, it made the most of what it had. The threats prevailed like fears in men and overt signs of impaired growth. Against all odds it pressed forward, through the dark earth till it shot through in vulnerable form. Its appearance was no reflection of the strength in it and though at times its form regressed, the inner core was taking form. So, more and more, the signs for growth became clearer and over time its beauty shone in spite of threats that persisted.

Bloom where you are in spite of all that threatens. Find room for growth even if just an inch and with time you’ll see beauty come forth.

Happy Father’s Day

Precious memories come to my mind on days like this for me: counting my father’s grey hairs and watching his face brighten up with a smile, as l asked for payment for each strand I pulled out. He was happy with his emerging grey hairs but my silly games were treasurable moments for both of us. I got much more than the payment I requested, the joy of those moments still warms my heart now – priceless. I miss my dad and always will! I was told the pain gets better with time, hmmm, yes…sort of.

Provider, Protector and being present, are some of the qualities that describe a good father. An earthly father may not always be present for various reasons: work demands to provide for the family may result in prolonged absences from home, unexpected illness with hospitalization… Changes in life’s circumstances may impair or impede the ability to provide. So even with the best intentions an earthly father may not be all he desires to be.

For those of us who find ourselves without a father on earth today, or with a physically present father who is emotionally absent, there is comfort in the presence of the heavenly Father if we don’t reject His outstretched arms, always waiting, always loving, never leaving, His eyes full of love for each one of us!

Father’s day for me will always be above all, the celebration of my Heavenly Father, my provider, protector and ever present King and friend, the one who knows me best and loves me most!

To all those who find Father’s day bringing memories of absent fathers, or even “fathers” present but abusive, please embrace the greatest love of all, the love of the one who knows you best and loves you most, God’s unconditional love! It will put a spring in your steps and brighten the rest of your days! ❤

Happy Father’s day to all Fathers in different ways and also to all those mothers who are doing their best to fill in the ‘gaps’….